I am so tired of dealing with unbelievers... I don't necessarily mean non-Christians. Only people who have allowed the world to tell them that they can't climb that mountain, swim that ocean, make a difference, or whatever it is that that person dreams of doing. The most frustrating to me is the lack of belief in the power of God. I think we as people have learned so much about how God's creation works, that we forget that He put it all together, actually continues to allow it to work as I sit here and type this, and can take it all away in the blink of an eye.

A friend from high school passed away a couple of days ago,one of the greatest men of God I have ever known from the time he was quite young. He just got it. His entire purpose for living was to glorify God and to show others God through the simplest things like his infectious joy. When I found out, the only emotion I really experienced was feeling dumbfounded. Apparently he was lying on the floor praying (as he often did) and just.... died... of natural causes. No one knows what killed him... he just stopped being. Now, I do not pretend to know what happened, but I was snubbed by a family member when I suggested that maybe God just took him, because a "healthy 22 year old doesn't just die!" Well, yes they can. God doesn't need to give you some disease, cancer, or hit you with a car to end your life, and for some reason it made me pity her disbelief in God's power. If you are a Christian, do you NOT believe that God created the world and everything in it, that He sent a great flood that covered the earth, that he took Elijah to heaven in a chariot of fire, that Elisha prayed and the servant's eyes were opened to see the mountain full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha, that God sent Jesus via VIRGIN birth (wrap your head around THAT one... REALLY!) There is no reason for the stories of the Bible to be untrue, so why do you have such a hard time believing that they are? And if you truly believe that they happened, how can you not trust that God will take care of your needs now? (I deal with that every day, no judgement here!)

In the same way, but on a different (and slightly less significant) level, I get outraged over people stomping on other's dreams. I am NOT an idealist. I'm not, I know people who are. I don't believe in a basic goodness of man, Utopia, or the idea that we will ever be able to live at peace with each other. I hate to be called one. Maybe I am an idealist, or maybe you have become so cynical that even hope feels like an idealist notion to you. I don't have to be an idealist to believe that God can and does work miracles and that He will do great things in me and in you also.

The movie Finding Neverland sums up my sentiment on crushing dreams so I will end with this and be done with my venting:

Peter Llewelyn Davies: This is absurd. It's just a dog.
J.M. Barrie: Just a dog? *Just*? [to Porthos] Porthos, don't listen! [to Peter] Porthos dreams of being a bear, and you want to shatter those dreams by saying he's *just* a dog? What a horrible candle-snuffing word. That's like saying, "He can't climb that mountain, he's just a man", or "That's not a diamond, it's just a rock." Just.

Don't mistake cynicism for wisdom, they're not the same thing.

Jen

OH... and I cut my hair.... short. I like it

I know I haven't updated in almost a month. November was not a good month. Don't get me wrong, good things did happen, great things. There were plenty of blessings (so many more than I deserve) to be thankful for. But I've been in kind of a crap mood a lot. I know that sounds so rude, but there's really no better way to describe it. I wasn't home sick, but I felt sort of depressed. I don't think I was getting enough time to myself around my family for one thing-- my Aunt was the only person I saw EVERY SINGLE DAY all day. And it was difficult to work out how to live with my grandmother. Sharing an apartment with Lydia in college was easy, we had equal responsibilities, we both kept the apartment clean and tidy except when we were writing that paper last minute or cramming for finals in which case our stuff would be thrown everywhere, but we were okay with each others mess because we both did it, and we would get the whim to decorate for Christmas at midnight and head to Walmart to buy stuff or go get coffee at Common Grounds right before it closed. I'm at my grandmother's house and she wants me to feel at home, but absolutely nothing in this house is mine so how can I feel like I live here. It's all confined to my tiny little room.

And as I've said before, the young people that I've met here are so great and fun to be around. But being around my aunt and my grandmother too much made me feel like I wasn't seeing anyone else enough which made me feel isolated and lonely. It made the times that we did stuff so much more fun. I'm so thankful for long phonecalls from friends in between!

So--- to highlight one of the fun things that have happened here!

Barb's 30th (dundunDUUUUUUUUUN!) birthday was today and the girls went to Olive Garden to celebrate on Friday at lunch. I got the most beautiful cake from the bakery that did my grandparent's 65th wedding anniversary and it was.... amazing! It was carrot cake (Barb's choice) and the baker decorated it like a Tiffany & Co. gift box. I fell in love

I think December will be a better month. November got better toward the end. God is good all of the time and He amazes me with his faithfulness to me even when I'm such a mess!

On a lighter note, tonight, Paula Dean guest starred on Iron Chef: America and guess what the secret ingredient was... Sugar. It was amazing.

Jen

Meeting Flipper

I've had yet another great week. Saturday morning, Leah, Luke, Laura, Rusty, and I went to the Daytona Outreach Center for community service fun. The D.O.C. is located in a former crack house and the ministry is geared toward helping people who live in that area. Every Saturday, they get the bread from grocery stores that was supposed to be sold that day and taked it to homes and things like that. So we helped bag the bread, then painted the inside of their building. Of course clumsy me managed to spill a bucket of paint (but it was only a little bit and we cleaned it up so all was well).

After church on Sunday, Aunt Sandy and I took took the kayaks down the Halifax river. The weather was so nice and the water was perfect for kayaking. About 1/4 mile down the river, we saw a dorsal fin coming in and out of the water (we knew it was a dolphin) so I paddled over to the area. Dolphins are naturally curious so he would literally come within paddle distance to my kayak, then swim away and I would chase after him and he'd turn around and come up next to me again. It was so incredible to look directly into his eyes as he was looking at me. And to know that he could so easily get away from me, it was cool to think that he was interested in me. We followed him for about a mile, then decided we better turn back. The journey back wasn't nearly as fun. I wish I had pictures, but clearly my camera doesn't mix well with water. Kayaking is one of my new favorite things.

Leah texted tonight and asked me if I wanted to meet her at Barne's & Noble so I went up there and we browsed books and talked, which was a lot of fun. It's nice to hang out with people, other than my grandmother and aunt (and sometimes my uncle when he's not working). Then on the way home, a racoon narrowly escaped with his life when he ran out in front of my car. I'm glad he made it. It would have ruined my day if he hadn't.

Thought of the day (That has sooo been ringing true in my life. Why don't I just trust God?):

"I think we all have a need to know what we do not need to know." --William Safire

Jen

Wonderful Week!

What an eventful and good week I have had! Saturday morning was the Retro (college/20 somethings of Tomoka Christian) Dodgeball tournament, which was hilarious. My team didn't win, but at the end we played it where there are no teams so everyone starts in the middle and you put half of the balls on either side of the court. Then you run and can get absolutely anyone out. But, if you get out, you can get back in when the person who got you out gets out (get it?) and it was so funny to run back in and nail someone in the back as they're gloating over the person they just got out. Anyway, fun was had by all.

Afterwards, a big group of us went to Denny's for brunch. THEN, a group of us met that night to see Dan in Real Life. I thought that it was such a sweet movie. There were a few innuendoes, but I was pleased to see a heartwarming and tasteful story and Steve Carell is hilarious.

Went to church Sunday morning (Uncle Tommy came YAY!) then we did Retro a bit differently Sunday night. Played a lot of fun/silly games and Leah spoke to us about just what was on her heart about how us (20 somethings and Christian) in America are limited, not by too few options, but too many. And we're just trying to figure out which one God wants us to do and we are so worried about choosing the wrong direction. Perhaps God isn't as concerned about what we do, but that we know Him and glorify Him in what we do. Sometimes we get so impatient waiting on God, "Yet those who wait for (or hope in) the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary."--Isaiah 40:31.

Monday was the best surprise of the week. Katie had to come to Orlando to take some children back to their family so she drove to Ormond Beach to stay for a couple of days! We went back to Orlando Tuesday for her to have a visit with the kids then we went to Disney Village for the rest of the day, ate at the Rainforest Cafe then had dessert at Ghirardelli where I had the best brownie hot fudge sunday in the entire world. Downtown Disney has this glass store with a Swarovski crystal Cinderella's castle and for a mere $37,000, it can be yours!

Katie left Wednesday morning (booh), then I went to the church that evening to help with Neewollah (halloween spelled backwards, how creative!) which was a blast-- tons of blowups and great rides, plus tons of free candy, food, and musical entertainment for the kids. Retro was in charge of the blowup obstacle course which was totally awesome.

Tonight, Aunt Sandy and I went to see Rent at the Peabody Auditorium. I couldn't get over how well they could sing! I love the Theater, but everytime I go there or to see a movie, I am always reminded how I'm waiting on God and it feels like I'll never get to do what I dream about. I'm ready to go!

And to be yourself is all that you can do

To be yourself is all that you can do

--Audioslave

Jen